Clearing My Head...

I really miss u...not a day goes by that I don't think about you or wish that I could pick up the phone and just laugh with you like old times. I kno that everything happens for a reason and you not being around for me to count on has made me a stronger person...but that doesn't always stop the hurt I feel when I think about you. I know that if you were still with me life would be totally different...I guess wat I'm tryna say is...I miss you a lot and I wish that you were here...but some dreams aren't made to be actualized by the living.




...*R.I.P.* Grandmommy

Time Is Winding Down...

As much as I am ready to see this semester go...I'm gonna miss the unphotographable memories I made...the friends I made...the people I grew closer to...and the dreams I've realized.

1.5 Weeks 2 Go...

Before I'm home for the summer!!! But I have so much to get done between now and then...Jesus give me strength!

Life...

So...it's been 3 days since I've signed on aim or my myspace...I kno...it doesn't seem that extreme...but 4 me, it is. And to be quite honest with you...I'm likin this feelin. i'm not really sure what this feelin is...but I can describe it as....fresh. Like...it's like...I'm finally able to breathe a little better. It might also be because I cleaned my apt and my room from top to bottom on Sat. 2. But, it really feels good to breathe deeply again. I feel like a piece of my life has returned to me...and I'm excited about it. So...honestly...I'm not sure when I'll sign on my myspace or my aim again...I'm enjoying my space.

Tired...Emotionally...Mentally...Physically...

This week has totally wiped me out! So much has been going on lately I don't kno which way is up and which way is down. All I kno is my mind shut down on Wednesday and it hasn't had a chance to cut back on yet. For those of you that dnt kno already....junior year of college is HARD! If it isn't one project or presentation, it's another...or a play...or a party to plan...smh. But the good news is...I've been cleared to graduate!!!! May 09 suckas!!!!! Did it in 4 years! Chicka chicka yeah yeah May 09 May 09! LOL.

So I've recently come to realize that the only way I'm gonna the rest of this semester is by doin me and me only. I often times find myself worrying about others and their well being that I tend to forget about my own. butI've recently come to realize that I cnt always take other people's interests to heart without considering the effects it will haveon me and mine. So because of that, I am choosing to take a short break from certain distractions such as my aim and my myspace page until further notice...hopefully this will help me get my mind right.

2 B Honest...

I am just really upset with sum people back home right now...I just didn't kno that there were so many "educated fools" in this world...and that HURTS.


Details later.

Falling Out Of Love With Love...

True statements...or just words from a girl who is still hoping someone will prove her wrong...only time will tell.

I'm seriously falling out of love with...love.
Like...the actual idea of the whole thing.
As a matter of fact, the whole definition of the word.
I'm falling out of love with the idea that there is one person out there that is my complete compliment and my reason for living.
I'm falling out of love with the idea that there is one person out there that is willing to wholeheartedly give me all of them...with no questions asked.
I'm starting to fall out of love with the idea that there is someone out there who will accept me for who I am...all faults and shortcomings included.
I'm starting to fall out of love with the idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder...and that the longer I am away from a person the more he'll appreciate the time we have together.
I'm starting to fall out of love with the the flowers, the candy, the cards, the dates, the fights out of frustration, the random texts, the all nite fone convos, and the dreams.
I'm starting to fall out of love with distance...near and far.
I'm starting to fall out of love with one dude being the only thought on my brain...and the only person to hold my heart.
I'm starting to fall out of love with the whole male species.
I'm starting to fall out of love with the whole idea of marriage, the kids, "for better or for worse", the house with the picket fence, the feeling of knowing you are the only one, the look of need in his eyes, the feeling of want in someone's arms, and that special skip my heartbeat makes whenever their skin caresses mine.
I'm falling out of love with the "I miss u's", the "I love you's", and the "I really like u's".
I'm falling out of love with the fantasies of fairytale endings.
I'm starting to fall out of love with making love and being completely connected with 1 person mind, body, and soul.

On the contrary...

I am falling in love with the thought that love will make you put up with some BULLSHIT
Or that a dude will love you as long as you fit in to their idea of "love"...and as soon as you say you want more than they are willing to give...things slowly start to fall apart.
I'm falling in love with the thought that no matter how much a dude says he loves you...that won't stop him from cheating.
I'm falling in love with the idea that guys will tell you whatever it is they think you wanna hear...but will forget to back it up with their actions.
I'm falling in love with the "niggas ain't shit" motto...cuz they really ain't.
I'm falling in love with the belief that there is no real Prince Charming...and they are all really frogs.
I'm falling in love with the idea of "gettin mine"...fuck wat they want.
But most importantly, I'm falling in love with the idea that "true love" doesn't exist.