Yeah...It's Me Again...And I'm Back...

Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooo Bloggers!

It's been awhile since my last post. Lemme give u a rundown of my life since then:

1. Been to D.C. and back. Swear I'ma a East Coast girl at heart...I've never been anywhere on the East Coast and not loved it. Graduate School???? Definitely back East.

2. Been workin on the pimp game for the summer...guys have been really borin me lately...all they wanna do is talk. Can I have sum fun please?????

3. Still find myself singin "stupid muthafucka" sumtimes...but not as much as I used to.

4. Been workin..."sumthin, sumthin, sumthin...stack that cheese."

5. Tryna conserve money...not doin the best job at that.

6. Gettin ready to leave on Sunday for Kentucky

7. Gettin my sis and her BFF ready for prom this Friday and Saturday

8. Lookin for another job

9. Exercise

10. Kickin it with the BFF and any other friend that's outta school

11. Tryna beat jetlag...it can be a real BITCH!

12. Countin the days till i'm back in The "A" where I belong.

...Welpz that's all she wrote for now folks!

I Miss My Space...

As much as I love home becuz it keeps me grounded...sumtimes I feel like I'm "above" this place. I miss my own space.

Walking...

I'm a person that relieves stress by doing domestic things...like cleaning, cooking, and walking. So today, on my way home from the movies, I decided to walk around my hood instead of going straight home. Of course I had my iPod on so all the cat calls and honking that I get 4rm the usual uncivilized men of LA I didn't have to deal with. But digress...as I was walking past my high school bus stop, I couldn't help but smile and have flashbacks of all the good memories I had with my friends @ 5am Monday-Friday the 4 years I was in high school...it's amazing how a slab of concrete, a old tree, and a fence has so many memories. So as I continued walking, I past by the BFF's house and thought about all the good times we've shared over the years...it all seems so long ago. Like...I'm about to be a SENIOR in COLLEGE...where did the time go???? I still remember going to freshman orientation and asking GOD to show me a sign letting me know that I was making the right decision...and now I'm in the final stages of another chapter of my life...hmph...time waits for no one.

[[Random Thought]]: If you risk your happiness to make someone else happy...doesn't that in sum ways make you a punk??? Just because you aren't willing to step out on faith and take a chance...you'd be miserable while the 1 that makes you the happiest is now with someone else? Sounds like a punkass move to me...but I'm just sayin.

Until next time bloggers....

Hancock...

Comes out July 2nd...and considering the fact that he's my husband of 17{18 Sept. 10th} years and the father of my children...u kno I'll be there opening day.

Damn Eastern Standard Time....

So...my body has decided that it won't let me sleep past 7am...grrrrrrreat. So that means I'm up for hrs...on a Saturday morning....with no1 2 talk to. This means...that I'm sitting here alone with my thoughts. Lord knows I don't need 2 be alone with those...

Maxwell...

So I've recently rediscovered Maxwell...again.

So without further ado my dear readers I bring you...MAXWELL.

Swear this is his rawest cut...




ENJOY.

Reflecting(Emo Post)...

There is something about LA that always makes me think of you first. I can still remember the first day I met you and I just knew that we were destined to be more than just friends. I wish that I could go back in time and take advantage of the moments that we did have...I just didn't cuz I thought we'd always have another. You were the first person I ever cried over...and the tears lasted all day. I can honestly say that I didn't know what love was until I met you. I used to love how we were so much alike...yet different so we could still learn from each other. Being back home has been extremely hard for me so far...because the moment I landed in LA, I feel like my heart has been trying to pull me in your direction...I wonder if yours is doing the same...I seriously doubt it...but I still wonder. I was able to use school and my work as a scapegoat for my feelings this past year/semester, but this summer...Idk. Right now i'm questioning my reasons for not just letting you go and I can't decide if it's because we are meant to be or if it's just because I'm afraid of the one I'll meet if you're out of the picture. You showed me what it was like and what it felt like to be passionate about someone. And I haven't experienced that type of passion since I let you go. I know that I'll be seeing you soon...lowkey I hope that your breath stinks or you have some sort of huge pimple on your face so that I can walk away saying "I am soooooo over that." But anyways...today is your day...and I wish you nothing but total and complete happiness...even if I do selfishly wish it was with me.

Love This Song...

It's called "I've Got It Bad (And That Ain't Good)" by Duke Ellington.

Totally how I feel right now...

Mama May Have...

Growing up, I was always the child that had to work for everything she got. Clothes, I started buying for myself at the age of 12....with the exception of church clothes. If there was a certain pair of shoes that I wanted that WEREN'T sold in Payless...I bought for myself. Books, accesories, cds, and anything else my parents felt I didn't need, I had to save and buy myself. It wasn't until 9th grade and after 9/11 I was allowed to get a cell phone...and that was prepaid...like seriously...that thing still ran on "Units". The point I'm trying to make is that my parents raised me...some would even say forced me to have to fend for myself if I wanted something. My little sister however, has had her freakin life spoon fed to her with a silver spoon. It used to bother me and it still kinda does bother me because I feel like I go above and beoyond in school, always stay out of trouble(well...I make sure I don't get caught), and always mindful of my parents...yet I always get the leftovers. and since I've been in college it's definitely gotten worse. And everytime the issue of money is brought up, my parents always get on me about my "spending". Like I'm always asking them for money. Let's get one thing straight right here and right now: I have held down the SAME job for the past 3 YEARS, work every chance I get, and have only asked my parents for money TWICE my entire college career(and they never put money in it). Then after I've worked hard and accumulated some sort of "spending money", they try to regulate on what I spend MY money on...yet my sister might as well cut both of her arms off and sew one in my mother's pocket and the other one in my father's pocket because it's always in there. Not to mention the fact that after having her L's for 6 months, the buy her a brand new car AND pay for her gas. Then they wanna turn to me and say "money is tight"...like I'm spending it! and don't get it twisted...they are no longer paying for my college education...I'm the one thats 30,000 bones in debt right now with school loans.

So with all that said...and including recent events that have happened to me in the past few days(another blog for another day), I've realized that certain people that claimed to "have my back" don't really have it, so now I've been forced to act accordingly to look out 4 numero uno. I'm movin up in the world...WITHOUT them.

"Mama may have
And papa may have
But GOD bless the child that's got HER own
Tha's got her own."

Random Thoughts...

Just clearin my head b4 finals...

Have you ever felt that you have outgrown your family??? Cuz I do. I feel like I've come to a point in my life where my family at home has not completely stunted my growth, but have made it hard for me to grown into my full potential. How can a person stand completely strong and sound...when their foundation is gone?

I think...scratch that...I KNO I miss him more than I should...and I kno he's only hitting me up 2 ensure that he's on my mind when I get home...but I allow it..."stupid muthfucka".

I'm getting kinda tired of playing the tough girl...I think I need a new role...the only problem is I've become so used to playing her...that I've forgotten how to play anybody else.

Venerability...is a BITCH.

I've decided to stop settling for mediocore when it comes to the things I want in my life...it's all or nothing baby.

I wanna take a dance class.