I'm Having A Moment...

I cnt wait for these next few days to pass so I can go home...I'm tryna hold on...but stuff is slowly starting to slip form my grasp...

So I've been hung with my ex-teacher these past couple of days...I really need her energy in my life sometimes...she puts life in sum sorta weird perspective...

So this week history decided to repeat itself...nd for me...it really brought up some old feelings I knew I had and probably always will...but that's what happens when you lose someone...

It's funny tho...cuz last year...my professional life was on fire but my relationship life was a hot mess...this year my relationship life is on fire but my professional life is a hot mess...like I'm on my shit...but it feels like sumbody just sucked all the fun out of it. Like...the reason I fell in love with theatre isn't there anymore...well...it is...but certain people know how to make me dislike it...I never thought that could happen...EVER...

I wanna go to grad school...but at the same time...I'm really tired of school. But I don't wanna wait a year cuz that means I'll have to get a standard job..and I kno I'ma hate that shit...but, to go to school just cuz I have no other option is gonna suck too...Idk...maybe I'll feel differently once this semester over and I have some time to rest...

If I just push through these next two weeks...I got at least a week of freedom...

I really hate Thanksgiving...never really liked the food...I don't like turkey...don't like mac and cheese...don't like stuffing/dressing...dnt like cranberry sauce...all I ate were the greens...nd since my grandmother passed they aren't the same. Nd now that my uncle and my aunt are dead...I don't even miss being at home for Thanksgiving...

Even though I cnt wait till Christmas cuz it's my fav holiday... tht hasn't been the same since my grandmother passed either. She died in 2003 and I still get teary-eyed every holiday just knowing that I can never go back to before...wearing sweatsuits to her house ever Christmas so we can eat BBQ chicken and greens...nd whatever else the fam made...my dad baking all kinda pies and cakes...singing happy birthday to my cuz Joe...you never know how much you miss something till it's gone...I never thought while she was alive that I took her for granted...but now I realize tht I did...nd it sucks.

But anyway...I think I'm hit the hay 4 now...just got done listening to 88-Keys "The Death of Adam" album...mess is tht fire...dwnload it immeadiately.




...one love.