Dear Blogspot...

I once again am writing you to apologize for my lack of blogging. On one hand, I think that its a good thing that I am too busy living my life to blog about it, but at the same time, by neglecting you, I'm neglecting feelings that I am too afraid to share with others.

If there is one group of people that I have learned time and time again these past few years would turn there backs on each and battle it out for some chump change...it would be my family. I have heard about family members stealing money from each other, kicking siblings out of housing, lying about one another, and disrespectful to my dead aunt's, uncle and grandmother's memory so much thats its starting to drive me a lil insane. Some will say and do whatever it is they have to just to get a piece of nothing.

When I was growing up, my family was a group of people that I just knew I could turn to for everything...now I feel like I can't even look at some of them without them expecting me to help them out in some kind of way. So far, I was good at staying out of the fray and confusion by just doin me. But this past week one of my cousins decided to "hate on me" for a lack of better words...and I lost it. Because I'm one of the younger ones in my fam, I've held my tongue on how I've really felt about their behavior...how disrespectful they were being to my grandmother and my aunt's memory...how they would have never approved of all this fussing, fighting, and not speaking to each other that we have been doing for the past few years...and how the only thing that has seriously prevented me on catchin a case on any one of them is that I can still hear my grandmother and my Aunt's voice telling me that they are family and I'm supposed to love them,not fight them. I wish they really knew how close I've been...and how many tears I've been close to dropping over not being able to because my grandmother and my aunt are still protecting them...*smh*...lemme stop cuz this shit is too deep even for me.