Tales of A Lost Soul...Day 3.

So for the past few days I have been so freakin depressed! And the sad thing is...I dnt kno y! I just feel like I've lost something and I miss it...but Idk wat "it" is...it really sucks. Like...I kno it's not my professional life...I'm kickin butt in that...but personally...I feel like something's lacking. Maybe it's because I really haven't had time to chill with my friends this semester...maybe it's because I lost a friend to a stupid situation...maybe I'm takin my aunt's death harder than I thought...maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep...maybe I miss him more than I thought I would...maybe I miss home more than I thought I would...maybe it's just this dreary weather we've been having lately...maybe it's just stress...whatever it is, I wish I could fix it and soon...I hate feeling this way.

Erykah Badu!!!!

Sooooo...not only does Discipline drop on 02.26.08, but I just found out that Erykah Badu's new album drops as well! I loved her 1st single, Honey...and I found this track "Telephone" on imeem...so enjoy!

Live.Love.Life.

Blast From the Past...

So I was looking through some of my old blogs on Myspace...and I found this one...I think it's one of the best ones I've wrote...check it.

So here is what's on my mind...{deep breath} here goes nuthin...

Ok so...I like this guy, but then I don't like this guy. I mean...we cool...I guess{grrrrr!} But he can make me so MAD at times! Like I dunno...the stuff that I thought was cute in the beginning...just isn't so cute anymore. I mean, it was cute at first when he would hit me up on AIM and say "I just wanna talk to u"...and then all he would do was ask me questions about me and my day. But now I'm just like "u wanted to talk so start talking!" LOL. I dunno...I never really was good at this whole "relationship" thing.

Question...If two people were friends and then u start likin each other, do u have to start to get to know each other all over again? Or can u just continue getting to know each from what u already know?

I also wanna point out, that I have stated on numerous occasions, that I{at the present time} am not that emotionally stable to be dealing with him and this "relationship" or whatever u wanna call it. So why does he keep pressin me about it? It just aggrevaties{sp.?} me and then, he wants to get all hurt when I tell him that I am mad at him. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Also...if u already have a pre-conceived answer to a question that u wanna ask me, DON'T ASK ME THE QUESTION!!! Because, when I answer it, if it's not the answer u were expectin{and more than likely it won't be} u are only hurting yourself.

"Guess it's bout time I find another love
Messin wit this nigga got me fallin apart,
I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not."

And another thing...just because I might be a little short with u at the moment, DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM MAD AT YOU. It just means that u caught me at a bad time. So please...don't ask me if I'm mad at you. TRUST , you will know, when I'm mad and when I'm mad at you.Asking me if I'm mad at you when I'm not only makes me upset with you.

And please, spare me the bullshitty ass line about "he's a guy, he isn't on the same level as you." FUCK THAT! LOL...that is sooooooo not an acceptable excuse.

Question: How do tell someone that you think you guys were better off as friends?

Gosh, I just wanna go back to school and get away from all this bull! And why is the universe screwing with me anyway? What did I do?

10: the number of times I have re-played "No More Tears" by Teedra Moses on my IPod since I started this damn blog.

I'm through with this. I don't wanna get married and I don't want kids so...why am I even going through all of this? It's just gonna wind up at a dead-end anyway so...why deal?

11 times...

I just don't get it. And now I'm all teary-eyed and such cuz I feel bad. WTF? Seriously, I have been going through this for like 6 months now, and I'm spent! No mas. Finito{sp.?}.

12 times...

To a certain person who inspired this long ass, angry, confused, rant and rave blog of mine...we really need to get it together cuz there will be "No More Tears" for you. That's gotta go...one way or another. DUECE!


Man...if ya'll knew the story behind that 1! LOL...well until next time!

Live.Love.Life.

Rainy Days...

I don't know what it is about the rain...but it makes me all sentimental so 2day, I compiled a list of all the things that I am missing right now...so without further ado:

I MISS................................
My Grandma *R.I.P.*
Thee BFF
LA
Laughing till my sides hurt w. the Roomie
Having more time to chill
My Neicey-Poo Raven
My big Baby Devin
Walks around my hood to clear my head
Chillin w. my aunties
Dancin in my room in my undies=)
Movie nights
Churchin it
Denny's
Fatburger
My Right Brain
Work{that's right...I like my job!}

Live.Love.Life.

What A Rehearsal...

So...I'm in this play for school{Threepenny Opera...Davage Auditorium...Feb 28-Mar.1} and it is thee most DRAINING play I have ever been in! How is it that the lead character does not kno all of his lines and his blocking yet??? The play was originally supposed to open in NOVEMBER! WTH???? Then, how is he gonna come into rehearsal 2nite and try to take charge, give people notes about their lines, and then tell everybody they need to pick up the pace...and then get up in the next scene and halfway know his lines and his blocking! Then instead of singing his song gonna tell us he's not singing it because he "doesn't feel like it". I looked at a castmate of mine and was like "O word???" I see people are tryna get all "Halle Berry" on us and act new in 08...and that's cool...if you know your lines. But if you don't...and he clearly doesn't...then he needs to sit down, shut up, and take notes...cuz he def. got ripped a new one by a few people 2day. *smh*...tryna be brand new...HA!

Sorry bout that...but i just had to vent.

I Swear This My Last 1 2nite...

LOL...I so wish we still had Oxygen so I could watch Bad Girls Club. This chick Tanisha is hilarious! Peep the vid...



...Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

My 3rd Post Of The Day...Random Is The Word.

Yeah...I'm a little bored. LOL.

So anywayz...I am definitely feeling life right now! I have great friends{ya'll kno who ya'll b}...I'm doin good in my classes{so far...i'm startin to lose focus *smh*}...I got my internship for the summer...got offered a great oppurtunity at a Tony Award Winning theatre Company during my senior year...my play is almost over{knock on wood}...I'm stage manager 4 my school's production of Fences...Spring is almost here...summer's around the corner...Obama is kickin butt all over the U.S...I'm goin to Kanye's concert on May 4th...The Writer's Strike is finally over{R.I.P. "Girlfriends"}...Janet Jackson's album drops soon...and I'm genuinely happy. Moments like these make me smile...=). LOL.

I've also gained a new angel in my corner R.I.P. Aunt Jos 02.14.08..."I'll kno we"ll meet again so it's never me against the world"

I also wanna thank my "motivation"...even tho I hate the song..."you make me better"...I hope you come out of your slump soon.

...I'm glad I took a breather.

Live.Love.Life.

My Newest Addictions...

1. Blogging{"My name is Jennifer and I'm a blog addict" "Hi Jennifer" HA!}
2. Reading other people's blogs
3. Disney movies{not really new...but since I recently bought The Jungle Book and Aristocats on dvd, I felt I shud add it...don't judge me.}
4. My new Pac-Man game that hooks up 2 my tv
5. Downloading and listening to mixtapes 4rm independent artists 4rm Cali {shouts 2 FSC, Lite, Skeme and Casey Veggies}
6. Cinnamon Roll Ice Cream 4rm Ben and Jerry's with whipped cream on top. {mmmmmm....}

JANET JACKSON!!!!!

So this post needs no freakin intro but...word on the street is Janet Jackson's new album "Discipline" is hittin stores 02.26.08!!!!!! Those of you that kno me already kno...if i dnt get it the day b4...I will most def have it the day of! I cnt wait for the tour cuz I WILL be there! LOL.

And peep the track on my page...I found it on imeem...supposed 2 b on Discipline...I love it=).

Man I Love Bball Players...

And here's why...

Dwight Howard...

Chris Paul...

...And Dwayne Wade.

...Man I love basketball.

I Just Don't Get It...

So 1st off...2day has been a "it's whatever" kinda day for me...haven't felt like that in a while...maybe it's because it's raining...Idk...it's whatever.

2nd...why is that when dudes go through things...they feel like they are the only ones???? I mean...like...why is that? Like...whenever they are sad, depressed, upset, angry...whatever...and you ask them if they wanna talk about it, they wanna say "naw...I'm cool" but when we, the female go through sumthin, if we dnt tell them...they take offense. Now correct me if I'm wrong...but in any kind of relationship...friendship or otherwise...isn't it supposed 2 be at least 50-50? Meaning I got your back and you got mine? And I really hate it when I try to be there...and they push me away...but it's whatever.

3rd...y dnt dudes get the "it would just be nice" rule??? I mean...seriously...no it's not gonna make or break the relationship...but it would be NICE if u would do whatever it is every once in a while. I guess they'll never get it until the shoe is on the other foot. So...here's a nice little example 4 ya: Guys...let's say ur on a basketball team and you have a game EVERY Saturday at 5pm...your girl works EVERY Saturday from 8-4pm...now lets say your girl likes to nap after work so even though she's with you in spirit...she's never PHYSICALLY present at your games. Now...your girl not bein at your games isn't necessarily a big deal...not really an issue that can make or break your relationship...but...don't you think it would be NICE of her to occassionally skip her regular nap and be there to cheer you on at at least a few of your games????? You get it now? Yeah...that's how I feel.

Music Videos...

Ok so 2 of my fav songs premiered videos this week...1 I was happy with..the other 1...not so much...*smh*

Video #1: Trey Songz "Last Time"


Ok so...LOVVVVVVVVED this video!!! And Trey just looks so gosh darn sexy!

Video #2: Kanye West "Flashing Lights"


Mmmmmmkkkkk...Kanye...wat the HELL is this??? Maybe I'm we're just not on the same page mentally but...I don't get it...and from the looks of the comments on the video on youtube AND myspace...many people don't. You lost some major points on this one dude...but it's cool thos...I'ma still be centerstage at the concert May 4th=).

Just When You Think You Got Em Pegged...

My parents are the greatest EVER! For now at least...LOL. So I called my mom earlier this week and she told me that she was sending me a box of some things...so naturally I just think it's just a the "care package" she sends me every year. So imagine my surprise when I open my box and get 1 of THEE best Valentine's Day presents I have ever recieved{the other best gift was from my valentine last year *sigh*}. But anyway...so I open the box and find: the cutest purple pillow, my Sparkle dvd, popcorn, heart-shaped Jolly Rancher lollipops, and the sweetest Valentine's Day card...with parents like these...who needs another Valentine.

Taking A Breather...

I feel like I've become 2 attached to something that doesn't belong to me...so until further notice...I'm backing away from this potentially hurtful situation.

A Moment Of Clarity...

There are very few times while I'm at school that I am allowed a moment of clarity. And usually they happen so suddenly and without warning that I usually waste them. But not 2nite.

Sooooo yesterday evening I let my frustrations get the best of me and "blew up" on a friend...and it's not that he didn't need to hear what I was upset about...but I could have appraoched the issue better...I guess. But anyway...back to my moment of clarity...I have come to realize that I simply want more than this world has to offer me. Which would explain my attitude and frustration towards my life and some of the people in it right now. Granted, I could always lower my expectations on life and then I would always be satisfied...but at what cost? I was always taught by my family that I am special and worth more than I even realize and that no matter the circumstance, I should NEVER lower my expectations to accomidate anyone or anything. So, I've decided to shoot for the stars...regardless of who's there with me or not.

So if u can't handle my greatness...step aside...maybe there's someone out there who can handle it...and is willing to take your place.

Relationships...Love...And All That Casual Stuff In Between

So...b4 I begin...I'm a music freak...so each section is probably gonna end with a song that fits the subject matter. [=)].

So my Intimate Square{not 2 be confused w/The Mainz or The Faves} and I were talking in Popeyes the other night after rehearsal and the topic of relationships came up...which of course led to a discussion on love...which in turn led to a discussion on the casualties in between...hence the title. So the following are just my thoughts on each issue.

Relationships
Ah yessssss...relationships. They can be a great experience with the right person...and a absolutely horrid situation with the wrong person. And there are many different types of relationships...short-term...long-term...open...closed...long distance{another blog for another day} just to name a few. But no matter the title of the relationship...the bottom line is that two people decided to take their "just dating" status to another level. Now I'm more commonly known amongst my friends nowadays as "Betty Crocker" the one who is always cakin...but never gives anyone enough play long enough to form an actual relationship. And for awhile...I was actually fine with that title. But there are some perks to being in a relationship....especially when its with the right person...and dont get it twisted...I do believe that there is only 1 "the 1" for everyone...but, the Mr. Right Nows of the world aren't all bad. But I digress...relationships r cool...because they are a guarantee. You have a guaranteed movie-goin buddy...a guaranteed dinner date...a guaranteed late nite phone convo...a guaranteed person in ur corner...and if rules apply...guaranteed booty. And it's nice from time to time have something that is constant in your life...even if it 4 like...2 months. But more importantly...it's nice to know that someone likes you for you. Now of course, everybody needs some "alone time" especially after getting out a draining or long term realtionship. But after being in a few relationships...one that lasted 4 and a half years and ending with him cheating...one unofficial one that lasted for a year *smhT*...and a more recent one that lasted 4 months but was the most intimate...as well as the "one monthers" here and there, I have finally learned that the best thing a person can do in any relationship no matter how short, how long, how wonderful, and how no so wonderful it is...is to LEARN from it. Learn from your partner...learn about yourself and the type of people u do/don't mesh well with...just...learn! LOL...that way, you won't make the same mistakes the next time around.



Love
Love...the 4 letter word that has everybody on edge. The word that can mean one thing to one person and mean a totally different thing to another. Love...where can I even begin? Well...let me first start by stating this: There is a big difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. Most people {especially men} confuse the two often. I really can't tell you the differences exactly...because for each person it is different...but when ur IN love...you it's different from just loving that person. It's a certain way you say that person's name...the way you look at them...the outer glow you give that's apparent to other's around you.
Love can be the most beautiful thing in the world...when it's returned...and not said...but SHOWN. Many people can say the words...I love you...see...I just said it...but when you show it...when you make me know it through your actions...there is abosolutely nothing greater in this world. Now just like relationships...I believe that there is only 1 "true love" for everyone...but I do believe that you can be in love with more than one person...not at the same time though. See...we as people are constantly changing...so depending on where we are in our lives, we may have more than one love. Yes, I do believe that it is possible to "fall out of love" with someone...but once you love someone...u always will. And believe me...once you've been in love...u'll kno when you are and when your not. But no matter the outcome...be it eternal or just temporary...there is nothing like the moments you spend being in love with someone...and they love you back.


The Casualities In Between
Before I begin this section, let me 1st start by saying HA! Mmmmkay...now that I've gotten that out. This section has 2 major points...casual dating and casual sex. So I'll save the juiciest point for last...*tee-hee*

Casual Dating
By all means...DO IT! There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at the same time IF you let the different people you are dating kno that you are dating more than one person at the same time. Not that you have to...I mean ur biz is ur biz...but it's just common courtesy...plus...it'll save you a lot of drama in the end if you are upfront with everyone involved. And casual dating is fun...u get to meet new people...sometimes it can develop in2 a relationship...other times it can develop in2 a real coo friendship...who knows. So with that being said...please be careful...cuz there are a lot of crazy females AND males out there that think 1 date= a relationship.


Casual Sex
By all means...DO IT! LOL...yeah yeah yeah...I kno...shocked to hear it 4rm me right? Well...I'll put it 2 ya like this...Life is short...if u want some...get u some! LOL. Naw.... but in all seriousness...I'm not gonna get on a religious soapbox about how premartial sex is wrong...what you do is ur buisiness...not mine. Yeah...sex is better when you have a emotional connection with the person...but if your not in one...and you want some...y not? The way I see it...as long as you are PROTECTING yourself {cuz sex can equal a death sentence nowadays *cough* HIV *cough*} then I don't see anything wrong with it. And if you dnt put yourself out there like that...and keep your business...your business you won't be labeled as a ho...weeeeeeeeeell...ok maybe you still will...but once again...if ur comfortable with that...do u. But just like with casual dating...u might wanna be upfront with the person you are sleeping with otherwise u might have a serious issue on your hands {the words "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate" come to mind} so just...be careful. Now dnt get it twisted...I'm not saying that I have ever had a casual sexual relationship...it's just not really my thing right now...but if I ever want one...I'm gonna have one...and it ain't nobody's business if I do.


...now of course there are TONS of other songs for each of these...but i got tired of lookin. LOL.

So until next time...Peace and all that other good stuff!